Ms. Lena and Her Hoe To The Rescue

When I left off yesterday I was telling you about HOW POOR I was growing up.  I wasn’t exaggerating. It was tough. But thank God I was the youngest and do not have as many memories of that place as my brother and sister. So if can imagine how cold I was telling you it was in that house without insulation, can you imagine just how hot it got during the dry summers in Kentucky? It was unbelievable. We also had many many critters in our house. One particular time when I was in pre-school, I remembered staying home sick one hot August day. My Mom made me my favorite thing to eat buscuits with chocolate pudding (don’t ask… the thought of it now makes me want to puke – but as a small kid.. I loved it.)  I was watching Captain Kangaroo in front of our 19 inch black and white TV that was in a cabinet with legs (some of you might have had these yourself then).  Our house was close to the road so I couldn’t  hear very well due to the coal trucks rumbling by and shaking our house.  So I sat really close to it. I was about 4 1/2 years old then. Bruce and Linda were at school and it was just Mom and I in the house. She was folding clothes from the laundry mat on the sofa while I was watching TV.  Then the next thing I remember is my Mom talking to me about the things that were on the TV. So I was focusing really hard on finding the things she was pointing out on the tv show I was watching. Then the next thing I knew I was grabbed and thrown onto the couch. As she was yanking me away from the TV a super huge snake that was lying under the TV all coiled up (how did I NOT NOTICE THAT THING?) it came out at me, my foot kicked it as I was flying over my Mom’s head to land on the sofa. She was screaming for me to stay on the couch and she was having a stare down with that snake.  She apparently won because the snake recoiled up and just stared back at her and hissed. It wasn’t moving and neither was Mom. Then the next thing she told me to do was to get up off the sofa – go out the kitchen door, cross the street where the coal trucks were bustling down the hill and get my next door neighbor Ms. Lena and tell her to come to our house and bring a hoe to kill the snake.

So I did just that, I remember standing at the end of the gravel drive way trying to remember what you’re supposed to do before you cross the road. Something we learned in pre-school.  Then I remembered and I was doing that, looking both ways and stuff.. then I heard my Mom yell “HURRY ROGER”.  So I said “fuck it” and just ran…. next thing you hear is blaring horn of a coal truck. I made it in plenty of time but he was an asshole of a driver for honking at me when I had about 5 feet on him.. right? LOL.  Anyway, I got to Ms. Lena’s she told me to stay on the porch and not to move until she told me too.  She grabbed her hoe and off she went.  The next time I saw that snake it was cut up into bits lying at the end of our driveway. (Why they put it there.. I have no idea? but that’s where it went.) Ms. Lena came and hugged me and took me in her house for some ice cream and told me all about her new snake adventure. Then after my Mom was over the shock of having to kill a Pit Viper in her livingroom and then clean up after it and then destroy the rest of the house with Ms. Lena making sure there wasn’t any more, finally came and got me.  I NEVER SAT ON THE  FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE TV AGAIN! (Unless it was cold outside because I did know snakes slept in the winter time.)

Till Next Time

Cowboy Roger

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